The value of being yourself

Rosa Parks’s mugshot, 1955. Universal History Archive/UIG via Getty

I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear. ~ Rosa Parks

There are times in life that you feel like it’s just not working for you anymore. You feel frustrated, annoyed, pissed off and often find yourself running around in circles.

 

How do you get things back on track?

 

The biggest issue I find is that my clients just don’t know what the hell they value in life. Some think they do, but every time we sit down and comb through their values they are always shocked.

 

What are values?

 

There the things you value the most, like freedom, adventure, love, stability, family, money, abundance, clarity, knowledge, education, honesty, connection etc. There are hundreds of these suckers and they help us understand what drives and motivates us.

 

Below is a list of over 400 values! Print them off and see if you can get to your top 10 values!

Ability

Abundance

Acceptance

Accomplishment

Achievement

Acknowledgement

Adaptability

Adequacy

Adventure

Affection

Affluence

Alertness

Aliveness

Ambition

Amusement

Anticipation

Appreciation

Approachability

Artfulness

Assertiveness

Assurance

Attentiveness

Attractiveness

Availability

Awareness

Awe

Balance

Beauty

Being-ness

Belongingness

Blissfulness

Boldness

Bravery

Brilliance

Calmness

Camaraderie

Capability

Care

Carefulness

Certainty

Challenge

Charity

Charm

Chastity

Cheerfulness

Clarity

Class

Cleanliness

Cleverness

Closeness

Comfort

Commitment

Compassion

Competence

Complacency

Completion

Composure Concentration

Confidence

Conformity

Congruency Connection

Consciousness

Consistency

Contentment

Continuity

Contribution

Control

Conviction

Coolness

Cooperation

Correctness

Courage

Courtesy

Craftiness

Creativity

Credibility

Cunning

Curiosity

Daring

Decisiveness

Deepness

Deference

Delicacy

Delight

Dependability

Depth

Desire

Determination

Devotion

 

Devoutness

Dexterity

Dignity

Diligence

Diplomacy

Direction

Directness

Discernment

Discretion

Discipline

Discovery

Diversity

Dreaming

Drive

Duty

Eagerness

Economy

Ecstasy

Education

Effectiveness

Efficiency

Endurance

Energy

Enjoyment

Enlightenment

Entertainment

Enthusiasm

Exactness

Excellence

Excitement

Exhilaration

Expectancy

Expediency

Experience

Expertise

Exploration

Expressiveness

Extravagance

Extroversion

Exuberance

Evolution

Facilitating

Fairness

Faith

Fame

Fascination

Fashion

Fearlessness

Femininity

Fidelity

Fineness

Finesse

Firmness

Fitness

Flexibility

Flow

Fluency

Fluidity

Focus

Fortitude

Frankness

Freedom

Friendliness

Frugality

Fun

Gallantry

Generosity

Gentility

Genuineness

Giving

Grace

Gratefulness

Gratitude

Growth

Guidance

Happiness

Harmony

Health

Heart

Helpfulness

Heroism

Holiness

Honesty

Honour

Hopefulness

Hospitality

Humility

Humour

Hygiene

Imagination

Impact

Impartiality

Impeccability

Independence

Industry

Ingenuity

Inquisitiveness

Insightfulness

Inspiration

Instinctiveness

Integrity

Intelligence

Intensity

Intimacy

 

Introversion

Intuition

Intuitiveness

Inventiveness

Joy

Justice

Keenness

Kindness

Knowledgeableness

Lavishness

Leadership

Learning

Liberation

Liberty

Liveliness

Logic

Longevity

Love

Loyalty

Majesty

Mastery

Maturity

Meekness

Mellowness

Meticulousness

Mindfulness

Moderation

Modesty

Motivation

Mysteriousness

Neatness

Nerve

Obedience

Open-mindedness

Openness

Optimism

Opulence

Order

Organization

Originality

Outlandishness

Outrageousness

Passion

Peacefulness

Perceptiveness

Perfection

Perseverance

Persistence

Persuasiveness

Philanthropy

Playfulness

Pleasantness

Pleasure

Plentiful-ness

Poise

Polish

Popularity

Potency

Practicality

Pragmatism

Precision

Preparedness

Presence

Privacy

Proactive

Proficiency

Professionalism

Prosperity

Prudence

Punctuality

Purity

Qualification

Quietness

Quickness

Realism

Readiness

Reason

Recognition

Recreation

Refinement

Reflection

Relaxation

Reliability

Resilience

Resolution

Resolve

Resourcefulness

Respect

Restfulness

Restraint

Reverence – respect for others

Richness

Rigor

Sacredness

Sacrifice

Saintliness

Satisfaction

Security

Self-control

Selflessness

Self-realization

Self-reliance

Sensitivity

Sensuality

 

Serenity

Service

Sexuality

Sharing

Shrewdness

Significance

Silence

Silliness

Simplicity

Sincerity

Skilfulness

Smartness

Sophistication

Solidarity

Solidity

Solitude

Soundness

Speed

Spirit

Spirituality

Spontaneity

Stability

Stillness

Strength

Structure

Substantiality

Success

Sufficiency

Support

Supremacy

Surprise

Superbness

Sympathy

Synergy

Tactfulness

Teamwork

Thankfulness

Thoroughness

Thoughtfulness

Thrift

Tidiness

Timeliness

Traditionalism

Tranquillity

Transcendence

Trust

Trustworthiness

Truth

Understanding Uniqueness

Unity

Usefulness

Utility

Valour

Variety

Victory

Vigour

Virtue

Vision

Vitality

Warmth

Watchfulness

Wealth

Wholesomeness

Wilfulness

Willingness

Winning

Wisdom

Wittiness

Wonder

Worthiness

Zest

 

For my clients, the first step in breaking ‘the good girl rules’ is making your own damn rules. And here’s how you’re going to do that!

Step 1) Decide what your values are.

List 5 values and prioritise them from highest to lowest.

 

Values

Rank 1 – 10

1.

 

 

2.

 

 

3.

 

 

4.

 

 

5.

 

 

Step 2) Create rules for your lives that use these values as a standard.

If you value freedom and travel, then what rules are you going to create to take responsibility that freedom and travel become part of your life? Ask yourself “how do I know when I have freedom in my life?”. The answers will become your rules.

These rules are based on your own values, not on society’s or anybody else terms and conditions. Because of this, these rules will ensure that you stay connected to the values in life that bring you the most peace and happiness and feed your soul at the highest level.

Keep #breakingthegoodgirlrules!

The Truth About Intuition

We are all intuitive but only a special few of us are actually psychic right? WRONG! Here’s the beautiful truth about intuition….

  I always knew I was intuitive. Strange things would happen, I would get strong ‘gut instincts’ or ‘hunches’ that turned out right, but I also thought intuition was something I had no control of. I also thought Mediums and Psychics were born that way and either you were one or you weren’t. Boy was I wrong! The more I started to learn about intuition the more I realised that intuition, psychic and mediumship abilities were all the same thing… it just depended on how far down the rabbit hole you go to grow, nurture or tune into your intuition. Intuition is like a muscle.  Just like athletes, some of us are naturally born with more athletic figures but it doesn’t mean the rest of us shouldn’t bother training or exercising, right?! There are plenty of amazing athletes who weren’t considered ‘born athletes’ when they started. I decided to set myself the challenge of developing my intuition over the last 3 years and to see where it would take me. I joined spiritual classes, read masses of books, meditated with Youtube (not kidding), bought tarot cards and crystals (as we all do when we believe the power is outside of ourselves) and stalked Ricci-Jane Adams. The big turning point was when I put it out there to the Universe; ‘How can I grow my intuition beyond my wildest dreams? And how can I teach my own clients to open up their heartspace?”. Within weeks I won a retreat with Ricci-Jane Adams and all my questions since have been answered after a year-long study, called “Third Level”. What is intuition? Intuition is the guidance and deeper soul wisdom of our higher selves. We all have it. It doesn’t exist outside of ourselves but inside of each and every one of us. It often can come as a quiet whisper which our louder Ego dismisses. I used to think ‘only magical people can do that shit’. I’ve since been my own guinea pig and have proven myself wrong. I now spend time daily tuning into my intuition for guidance and you can too. I also use my intuition to guide my client sessions and in helping them move past their own blocks. Why should we bother to grow it? Are you kidding me? I honestly believe that if you truly want to #BreakTheGoodGirlRules then embracing your intuition should be a top priority. #TheGoodGirl looks outside herself for guidance from others. She seeks their advice as if others know whats best for her, she looks for validation from others and she follows the crowd. Embracing our intuition means we look WITHIN ourselves first. It’s like the highest form of embracing your own unique inner beauty and individualism. There’s nothing wrong with having a sounding board, but its crucial that we always follow our heart and intuition first and foremost, even if it means going against the crowd. If it doesn’t feel right for you, don’t do it. Our intuition is our own unique GPS system of the soul. Why wouldn’t you want to use that to navigate life’s challenges? Even the most brilliant minds of our times and billionaires embraced their intuition, look at Albert Einstien, Warren Buffet, Steve Jobs…. All these men were geniuses and yet all of them contributed a great deal of their success for trusting themselves and their intuition first and foremost. These men didn’t become famous for following the crowds, but for pushing boundaries, for going against the grain, for working outside the parameters of ‘normal’ and for rocking the boat in areas of science, physics, information technology, and finance. They broke old paradigms and created new experiences for the entire world. If I grow it, will I start seeing dead people?? Probably not. I know of gifted peeps who do but most of the intuitive women I know don’t walk around talking to dead people. Personally, I have spoken with ‘dead people’ and it’s a profound and beautiful experience. I’ve also learnt to ‘channel’ and to tune into past lives. But I haven’t bumped into any ‘dead people’ in my hallway or the supermarket yet. Just as you can choose to tune into different frequencies, you can choose to tune out. It’s not just about ‘seeing’ dead people…… there are 4 main areas of intuitive skills. It’s also important to note that there are different areas of intuitive skills. Each one of us may have a more dominant one, or may have 2 or 3 that are stronger. This doesn’t mean we can’t strengthen our less dominant ones though.
  • Clairaudience – clear hearing
  • Claircognisance – clear knowing
  • Clairvoyance – clear sight
  • Clairsentience – clear feeling
For me, I use all four. Sometimes I will receive words and I will hear them like voices in my head (Clairaudience), while other times I will see images or movies playing out in my mind’s eye (clairvoyance). When I work with clients I can tune into my body and literally feel nauseous if that client is dealing with stomach issues, or tightness in my chest if a chest is struggling with anxiety (clairsentience) and other times information just drops in like a sudden ‘knowing’ (claircognisance). I’ll wake up and while preparing for a client will instantly just ‘know’ what topic we should focus on, only to connect with that client and for them to ask for that specific assistance at the beginning of a session. While I’ve been communicating with different types of energy bodies / vibrational beings etc for quite a while now, I still haven’t ‘seen’ any dead people. A few years ago when I experienced my first ‘dead person’ they came to me as an energetic pull. I was in a deep meditation and it ‘felt’ like someone was standing next to me. My head kept turning towards ‘them’, and I kept pulling my head away, not understanding what the hell was going on. It turned out to be one of the most profound and moving experiences of my life, as I spoke to an ex’s father who had committed suicide years before. He came seeking forgiveness, not just from his children but also from himself. I had never felt such remorse for one’s own actions or the mess they had left behind. And I also have never felt such freedom and joy once his words were passed onto his family. I never physically saw this man. But I certainly ‘felt’ him around and could converse with him. He gave me the information I could never have known and I was somehow able to immediately know who this man was without ever having seen or met him in real life. Do I consider myself a Medium or Psychic? Nope. I see myself as an ‘intuitive guide’ or ‘spiritual guide’. I believe everything we do is spiritual, whether we know it or not. My biggest passion is to teach women to love and embrace their truths, and their own unique inner beauty, to realise that they are powerful creators in this life, and to live life on their own terms. I do this by teaching women to #BreakTheGoodGirlRules, and part of that is about trusting themselves and embracing their own inner compass….. their intuition. Do you see yourself as intuitive? If not, why? Do you use your intuition on a daily basis? If you would love more inspiration or guidance why not check out my #truthbombs, delivered straight to your email weekly.

The Truth About Changing Our Reality

There’s so much talk about changing our reality.

  Are we mere humans really that powerful that we can go back in time and change past events that made us who we are today? Or are we missing something here? Easter has well and truly passed. Yep, it’s time to put the chocolate eggs down and look deeper within the meaning of life. You see, Easter was never about chocolate eggs and a chocolate pooping bunny, but a celebration of Ostara, (or Eostre or Eastre), the Germanic Goddess of spring and dawn. Other similar Goddesses are Hecate, Freyja and Holda –  all of which share the symbols of the hare and the moon. The moon is a constant reminder of the cycles of life as it renews itself monthly.  It’s not surprising that the Christian tradition of Easter is based on the phases of the moon, or that they simulate the Christian notion of Jesus’ rebirth/rising with the pagan celebration of Ostara. Easter, regardless of our belief systems, is the perfect time to rebirth our selves, create new goals and gain clarity on the direction we consciously choose to take. The issue is anytime we desire change in our lives, we are going to have to face our Ego which often uses fear to keep us small and safe. Our Ego loves to keep things the same by clinging to past stories and old limiting beliefs, but our spiritual-self ends up feeling trapped, restricted, confused and even betrayed.  

So how do we start to drop our own bullshit stories and expand in abundance, love and success?

  Let’s go back to basics;  

1. An event occurs.

An event occurs often in childhood or early adulthood that send a clear message to our conscious mind. It’s backed up with an emotional reaction (sadness, betrayal, pain, anger, guilt, shame etc) that creates a highly emotional memory. These emotions all have a basis in fear.  

2. That emotional reaction creates a perspective.

Our reactive response to that event (different to a fully aware and conscious choice) sets off a perspective of that experience. We deem it as a good or a bad experience. We create a story of victimhood around that experience. We back it up with as much proof as possible. We rehearse that emotional reaction by repeating the memory of the experience again and again in our heads until we have a base perspective or bullshit story. Ouch.You see, every experience we have, we view in light of past experiences. If we have created a habit of being a victim, we’ll automatically apply that victimhood response to future experiences.  

3. We understand our perspective to be our actual ‘reality’.

The truth is our perception of any single event is hardly ever the reality. Our perception is a result of our conscious mind filtering 200 million bits of information down to 134 bits. That’s a lot of distorting, deleting and generalising of information in order to make an event ‘fit’ our perspective. If you were to ask 5 people to describe the same single event, you’ll notice the differences in the stories given. It’s all based on our perspectives. Not on any true reality. Your reality is based on your perspective of how you felt about an experience/event.  

4. You can change your reality.

You can change your reality at any given moment, by changing your perspective. For years I insisted I’d had a terrible childhood. This was my perceived reality. It was also bullshit! Yes, there were terrible things that happened in my childhood, but there were many many amazing, hilarious, adventurous, fun and love filled moments too! In fact, when I became honest with myself and dropped my bullshit story, I realised that the bad times were very very few and far between. There were far more wonderful moments than negative moments. I had just chosen a perspective to base my reality on, by distorting my perspective, deleting all the great moments and generalising chucks of my childhood.  

5. The power of our heart space.

So how do we change our perspective in order to change our reality? By utilising your heart space. The Heart Math Institute is leading the world in the science behind our heart space and how powerful it is. We can use our heart space to switch from anger, resentment, shame etc to compassion, love and gratitude. These emotions are scientifically proven to be strong enough to rewire the neural pathways in our brains in order to break down old patterns of thought and hence behaviour. By using the heart space we can enter the world of quantum physics because the heart space is that part of us that is connected to everyone and everything through its electromagnetic field. Based on Albert Einstein’s own theories of time and space, we can tap back into those moments of time, and change the emotional reactivity around specific events. As emotions are chemical reactions, we can literally change the chemistry in our brains that affect the synaptic network that dictates our emotional and behavioural reactions in the future. So the short answer to the question “Are we mere humans really that powerful that we can go back in time and change past events that made us who we are today??”, is simply – yes. If you would love to experience this for yourself and understand more about the process, you can book an Intuitive Evaluation here.  

The Importance of Doing Nothing

The Importance of Doing nothing. And being. Breaking the good girl rules.
How can doing nothing be important? It’s so important to embrace our ‘winter’ and to lean into the ‘nothingness’ because this is where we learn how to love ourselves, replenish and rejuvenate ourselves as part of the natural rhythms and cycles of being a woman. Women do not work like men, and yet society insists that we must be in a masculine constant state of ‘do-do-do”, of keeping busy, of celebrating stress as a sign of success.  

Our body works in cycles. Don’t believe me? Look at your period.

  If we divide our ‘energy’ into seasons, we all go through our summers where we are full of energy, where we can go-go-go, where we can be a bee hive of activity full of passion and purpose, and where we give a lot of ourselves to other people. We then move into Autumn, where we start to slow down. We notice a drop in our energy levels, we start to feel tired, irritable and have less patience. What most women do is ignore this call, and they keep pushing onwards. What we need to do is recognise this as a sign that (cue John Snow), ‘Winter is coming’. Our ‘winter’ is a time for peace, for stillness, for reflection, silence, solitude and even withdrawing a little bit more from social activities. You may feel like you don’t want to go out to that party, or you can’t be bothered to do the normal things, you feel ‘flat’, or going to work feels like more of a struggle then usual.  Rather than dismiss our ‘winter’ as a waste of time, we need to recognise that ‘winter’ is a time for self-love.  

Winter is not something to fear. It is not laziness.

  Its your body signalling to your that you need to recoup and relax. How? When we ignore, as women, the call to step into ‘winter’ we burn out, we become exhausted, we grow in anxiety and we become sick as our immune systems lowers from the stress. Winter is such an important, if not THE most important part, of a natural  cycle since it builds up our strength, it nurtures us, it fulfils us, and it replenishes us to literally ‘get the spring back in your step’! Yes, ‘winter’ allows us to build back up our resources that leads usback into Spring where our momentum and passion naturally rises without effort or exhaustion, but with ease and grace. And consequently we naturally get catapulted back into our ‘summer’. But society tells us to fear ‘winter’. That doing nothing is lazy, makes us worthless or that if we aren’t giving to others or contributing to society then we are selfish. That if we are doing ‘nothing’, we are nothing. This is where we need to #BreakTheGoodGirlRules!  

How to spend your metaphorical ‘winter’ doing nothing:

 
  • Meditate more
  • Spend glorious afternoons or evenings withdrawing and reading
  • Soak in baths with essential oils and Epson salts
  • Walk in nature
  • Netflix and chocolate
  • Massages
  • Quiet nights in doing mud masks with or without girlfriends
  • Chilling out at the beach
Anything that has you giving back to you, and giving you that sense of peace, relaxation and self-love. To the outside world it might look like we are doing nothing but nothing could be further from the truth.   Once we start to see winter as a place of honouring ourselves, we move gracefully through this part of the cycles and start to gain momentum naturally. We become inspired to act, to give, to create. As our momentum builds we burst back through into summer even ore fiercely and passionate then before. Give yourself permission to stop. Give yourself permission to BE. Give yourself permission to breathe, to say ‘no’, to cancel plans, to reschedule without guilt, to relax, to chill out, to enjoy your own company and learn what it truly means to be at peace with who you are and the beauty within. Give yourself permission to #BreakTheGoodGirlRules. If you would love to know more about #BreakingTheGoodGirlRules, follow me on facebook. Gold stars if you comment below and give some love back xxx

Challenging Reality

How to break the good girl rules by challenging our perception of reality

What you Focus on is Your Reality

What you focus on in life is where you direct your energy and your action, and how you create your perception of events (your reality) and hence the world.

Everyone can perceive the same moment of reality differently, because our interpretation of that moment depends upon our own past understandings and experiences, and those vary dramatically person to person.

Our perception of any single event is hardly ever the reality. Our perception is a result of our conscious mind filtering 200 million bits of information down to 134 bits. That’s a lot of information that our brain chooses to ignore….

 

How to break the good girl rules by challenging our perception of reality

How We Distort Reality to Create Our Own Perception of Reality

 

We filter this information through 3 basic methods:

1) Deleting information that doesn’t fit our story or that we choose to ignore.

2) Distorting information to make it fit our story.

3) Generalising information in order to make sense of an event e.g. stereotyping

 

This is the way we choose to create and confirm the story of our life.

Do you ever hear yourself say?

  • “That’s so typical of men!”
  • “This always happens to me”
  • “It ok I didn’t expect it to work out”
  • “I can never seem to…….”
  • “That’s not how I remember it!”

Once we start automatically “protecting” our story it reinforces our patterns of thought which determines our emotions and guides our behaviour.

This then shapes how we react to all the events in our life.

 

How You Can Consciously Create the Story You Want

 

By being more conscious of what we chose to delete, distort and generalise, we can be more conscious of how we can change and edit our story.

By choosing how to respond we decide to be at cause for our life and can take control of our story. By staying in a state where we automatically respond we chose to be reactive and give our power and responsibility away to others.

Over the next week be aware of how you start to automatically respond to events and to people.

What ‘automatic thoughts’ do you have?

Is it easy for you to change these thoughts and choose how to respond instead of reacting?

This week, identify one thing you can do in relation to this awareness and take action, and share your thoguhts in Breaking The Good Girl Rules facebook group!

If you need support figuring out what actions you can take, you can connect with me here.