We all want our daughters to be So a few days ago in my private Facebook group, The Beautiful World of Women, one of the ladies posed a dilemma about what’s appropriate in regards to make up and self expression through fashion when raising young girls.
I also have 2 young girls, 7yrs and 10yrs, who have been begging me for make up for years! They love stepping into my heals, they love wearing my cocktail dresses, they’ve been caught with my goddess red lipstick in hand much to my horror and I’ve freaked out at their insistence on wearing 80’s corn blue (aka porn blue) eye-shadow!!!
But how much of this is harmless self expression and where do you draw the line in order to protect them from sexualising themselves and from what is now termed by sociologists as ‘slut culture’. Yes it’s now an actual term!
You know those young women who dress with too much skin exposed solely to express their sexual self in order to seek approval from the boys; the overtly flirtatious giggles, the way too short barely there skirts, the teeny tiny dresses that even as adults we can’t figure out if it’s a dress or if she forgot to put pants on under her slightly longer than normal t shirt, the shockingly over the top garish make-up; the girls on the hunt to attract male attention in order to validate their sexual self as a worthy prize.
Maybe it’s a natural part of growing up, maybe it’s a product of low self esteem, a lack of boundaries or society’s warped perception that women exist for men’s sexual gratification… I mean the marketing world exploits the whole ‘sex sells’ concept on a daily basis. Do we really need to allow our daughters to accept this a ‘coming of age’ stage? What if we, as parents, challenged these perceptions and educate our daughters to validate themselves internally, to feel comfortable in their own skin, to express themselves creatively and through intelligent thought and conversation, to value the virtues on the inside more then their ‘assets’ on the outside (why do we even refer to breasts and buttocks as ‘assets’???) and most importantly how to maintain healthy boundaries and know how to decipher which boys also value Virtues over Vulvas?
In our household my girls know my stance on little girls and make up. It’s a no-no. I’ve set the boundary that they can’t own make up til they’re 16yrs. That’s my boundary and we all need to find our own boundaries that sit well with us as individuals.
In the mean time there’s a few exceptions to the rule, such as dance performances, weddings, adult birthday celebrations etc, and the occasional bonding girls night where we paint our nails and experiment plaiting our hair and lip glosses. I don’t think a total ban on make up is necessary, it just needs its boundaries as much as junk food does.
I think it’s also important to have age appropriate independent use of make up rules ie clear lip balms til 10yrs, then maybe a tinted lip balm after from 10yrs old. Again families need to find their own levels of comfort, but a clear lip balm never hurt anyone but the wool carpet it gets mushed into.
I’ve also found it useful to teach the girls about why I wear make up. I wear “barely there” make-up to work on a daily basis and keep it basic and use neutral colours, but I also love getting expressive with make-up for date nights and playing with sparkly gold glittery eye shadows and coloured eye liners. I’m pretty fond of my poppy red lipstick, my Chanel N’5 perfume, my black eyeliner, my bronzer, my highlighter, a good blush, eye primer….. ok so you get the picture – I LOVE to play with make up! So I like to emphasise to my daughters that make-up and fashion is a creative process and a form of self expression vs the ‘I wear make-up to make myself look pretty’. Make-up will not fix your life and nor is it a solution for low self-esteem and self-worth.
It’s a fine line because we all know the power of a red lipstick that instantly boosts your confidence and the magic of mascara that lengthens our lashes to frame the windows of our souls….. but confidence and highlighting our assets are concepts I feel are too much for young girls to navigate when they haven’t yet learnt that confidence and beauty come from within first and foremost!!
The most empowering concepts I can talk to my girls about as we navigate these issues heading into puberty, is to have open discussions about beauty and what beauty means, not just to me but to them as well; to help them understand that real beauty is something we cultivate from the inside and not from a $25 lip gloss.
We won’t always know if our conversations are really sinking in at times until those golden moments, like last month, when Olivia was watching me getting ready in the morning and commented, ‘Mummy you don’t need make up to be beautiful. You’re already beautiful to me just as you are’.
Those are the mornings now I put my own eyeliner down and find myself trusting in the beauty they see in their own eyes…..
So what do I want to teach my daughters about beauty?
To be honest it hit me the most when I went through all our photos trying to find the right image for this blog. The most beautiful photos I could find were the crazy ones of us, pulling sill faces, throwing our heads back with laughter, celebrating birthdays, Olivia learning to surf, Lila shoving our beloved chicken down the slide, the first time Olivia and I went scuba diving when she was 8yrs, the holidays we bonded, the giant bubble spa baths that got out of control, my daughters with a face covered in food…..our ability to create beautiful memories…. now that is true beauty.
If you want more information about re framing the idea of beauty as concept of creative self expression, download The Truth About Beauty ebook, and check out our Mother & Daughter workshops!
Stay beautiful xx
What is a discovery call?
A discovery call is a great way to find out if coaching will really work for you WITHOUT any commitment!
You call me for a free conversation and tell me what the issues are that you’re experiencing and I will honestly tell you if my coaching will work for you or not.
A discovery call is NOT a sales pitch. If I have to convince you to work with me, then you’re not ready to be coached or I’m not the right coach for you (see my post on How to Choose the Right Coach for You). A Beautiful Truth is all about authenticity, beauty and truth and hard sell sales pitches are not part of my ethics, nor is my style.
My drive is to help clients get real results. This means that I only take on clients who are motivated enough to be dedicated to learning and growing and making their lives more beautiful. I have turned clients away for a number of reasons;
- Not committed to themselves.
- Not ready to dig deep and take responsibility to change.
- Needed to be referred to other coaches or other professionals better suited to their needs.
How Discovery Calls benefit you!
Discovery calls are also useful if you want to find more information about what coaching is and what is involved in the coaching process. This enables you to make a decision whether you want to work with me as well. Remember coaching is about working together so both parties need to feel comfortable with each other.
If you’re not 100% sure what it is you want and you’re unsure if coaching would work for you then a discovery call is the best obligation free way to go.
Here are some common questions you are already wondering about…. I’m answering front up so your ‘Discovery Call’ can be focused on your needs.
Will coaching work for me?
You get out what you put in. If you follow the process and complete any weekly tasks, you will benefit greatly. If you dedicate yourself to learning and growing, you will learn and grow. If you go the extra mile and take the initiative or extra steps with talks you will benefit greater still.
If you do not do the tasks and don’t apply yourself to learning and growing you will not only be wasting your money, but you will be wasting your time and my time too. I have only ever dropped one client for not being committed and they came back 3 days later more committed then ever and made some amazing changes in their lives.
What if I can’t afford it?
If you are 100% committed but can not afford the prices, we can find an agreement that suits us both. I don’t discount my services because i know that they work and I believe in what I do and I know the value of them. We can however arrange a payment plan.
The other important question to ask yourself is what are you worth? While payment can seem daunting, how you manage your money is also symbolic of how you value and invest in yourself emotionally and psychologically. Payment seals a deal so that both parties have fair expectations. I’ll expect you to be committed to yourself and the time / money you have invested, and you will have expectations of great solid results from my coaching.
It also gives you the comfort to ask questions and make as much use of my time and resources as possible without guilt!
What if I just don’t have the time?
You need to decide whether you are a priority in your life or not. Do you need to change things now?
Sometimes you don’t, you might just need some extra information or support from other beautiful women!
- In that case check out my freebies and see if they’re useful to you.
- Otherwise if you are looking for some soul-sister support join my private FB group The Beautiful World of Women.
However if you keep questioning that there must be something more, or you know that things have to change now, know this beautiful truth; Where there is a will there is a way.
If sorting out your life, issues and unresourceful patterns of behaviour is something you have an urge to figure out, then you’ll make time for it. I have sessions in the day, evening session and weekend sessions – so something for everyone and we can skype if you’re interstate or over seas.
If turning things around is not a priority for you, that’s perfectly fine. When the time is right you’ll know it. So don’t rush your journey, breath and take your time. And most of all….
Getting a coach on board is one of the best ways you can invest in yourself and your future. Whether it’s short term for 6 weeks or a longer term of 3 months, coaching can really change the way you see yourself and the world around you.
So how do you choose the right coach for you?
I personally have my own Life Coach and a Business Coach. We’re all human and we all have challenges we need to break down, we all need a good sounding board to bounce ideas off in a safe and non-judgmental environment and we all need that non-objective person we can empty our heads in front of and get refocused from time to time.
It’s tough! There are a lot of options out there! I’ve been in your shoes so here’s my honest tips for choosing a coach to work with!
Decide whether you want a Life Coach, a Business Coach or an Executive Coach:
A Life Coach generally focuses on inspiring life-transforming experiences such as creating personal joy and freedom, developing a better sense of self, building stronger relationships with others and letting go of fear and doubts.
A Business Coach focuses on how to get your business from A to Z and Executive Coach is usually hired by corporations to work with directors and senior management.
Ensure they have Relevant Coaching Experience:
To be effective at life coaching, it is not necessary for the life coach to have experienced exactly what you’re trying to accomplish but its critical they know first-hand of what their talking about. For eg; there’s no point hiring a business coach if they’ve never owned or set up a small business. So, look for a coach with relevant coaching experiences to what you’re hoping to achieve. Ask about their background and if they’ve worked through the issues you’re having.
Ensure they have Relevant Coaching Qualifications:
There is no governing body overseeing the coaching industry in USA or in Australia which means anyone can call themselves a life coach after just reading a self-help book or video. Scary right?? Make sure you enquire about their training! Ask for their qualifications! A credible life coach will have gone through a significant body of coursework, has received guidance and feedback from a qualified supervisor and has experience in the field with at least 100 training hours. Here’s what to ask for;
- A Diploma in Coaching by an approved ICF (International Coaching Federation) accredited school. There are hundreds of schools popping up and the majority are NOT ICF certified.
- NLP certified by an approved ICF accredited school. NLP (Neuro Linguistics Programming) is about how we use language and the power of creative imagination to become successful and clear away self-sabotage. This stuff is amazing and very powerful!
- ICF membership. Choose someone that is a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF) and is therefore governed by professional practice and ethics guidelines. This is important. The ICF is the governing body of professional coaches at an international level.
- Matrix Therapies certified by an approved ICF accredited school. Matrix therapies involves clearing negative emotions and beliefs about past events in order to change behavioural patterns on the future. This stuff is amazing and gets results fast! If you just want a basic coach these aren’t necessary but if you really want to kick some bad habits and make some serious headway Matrix therapies and NLP practices are invaluable! I personally would never work with a coach who didn’t have either these qualifications.
Make sure you fit with your coach:
Trust your instincts when deciding whether or not the coach truly understands who you are and what you need. Ask for a free 20 minute consultation.
Ultimately, you will want a coach with whom you have great rapport, who you would trust with certain details of your life as well as your observations, who will not judge you. A safe environment to talk, a strong code of ethics and high confidentiality are essential. Ask them to email you a code of Ethics. You’ll find mine here.
Also check out their freebies! Do they resonate for you? Are they too sales-y? Does it seem authentic? Shop around!
Enquire how you’ll know if the coaching is working for you:
A professionally trained life coach will help you set clear goals that are in alignment with your intention. They will not do the work for you, but be an advocate for you to accomplish your goals. Work with your life coach to set a reasonable time frame. It is important to remember, that it may have taken you months or years to get stuck in your current issue. It will likely take more than one session to start moving in a forward direction. Look for coaches who offer packages because by the end of that time period you’ll have a clear indication whether coaching is working for you and you will have a set price and not an ongoing costly ‘how do i get out of this?’ venture on your hands.
If you have any questions about choosing a right coach feel free to contact me, or explore my own freebies here. Who doesn’t love a freebie!
You can also check out A Beautiful Truth on Facebook here.
Or join my private FB group The Beautiful World of Women here.
When does beauty turn ugly? How do you be truly beautiful without buying into all the marketing and pressure of looking like Australia’s next top model? How can you get beautiful without the Chanel eye shadow and spending $10,000 on breast implants?
Today’s blog is all about exploring beauty and how you can embrace your own unique style of beauty in your life.
Let’s explore real beauty….
Beauty is found in many things; in harmonies in music, in waves crashing on the shores, in the strokes on a canvas, in the hand sewn seams of a carefully constructed couture gown, in the simple gesture of holding someone’s hand, in the colours of a sunset, in fashion magazines, advertising…. Beauty and ideas of beauty are everywhere.
What is beauty?
Beauty is in essence is a combination of qualities that pleases your sense. Its leaves you in awe and inspires. So why is ‘beauty’ so hard to get? Why do so many people struggle to feel beautiful? Why do you struggle with feeling beautiful?
True beauty, real deep beauty that awes and inspires, is beauty that’s based in ‘creating’ not ‘competing’. ‘Creating’ comes from a place of empowerment and inspiration while ‘competing’ comes from a place of fear and ‘not good enough’.
You see, that’s really where I think the problem with beauty lies.
When beauty turns competitive, beauty turns ugly.
You start comparing your bodies to someone else’s who is skinnier, curvier, more glamorous hair, bigger eyes, bigger breasts, prettier, taller, smaller thighs….. and your level of confidence slowly starts to erode.
That’s when you stop appreciating yourself and start to criticise yourself instead, slowly picking yourself apart, opening wounds and tearing at your self-esteem and self-worth. When you compare yourself to another person you stop seeing your own true self-worth. You stop seeing your own personal and unique beauty. Instead you start seeing yourself as ‘not good enough’.
How do you create beauty in yourself?
Cultivating or creating beauty in you is actually pretty easy. It does however require a conscious effort which can be the hard part. Here are 3 simple steps you can start with today!
1.Know who you are;
This is about knowing your strengths and the great qualities that make you who you are. It’s also about knowing exactly what you are and what you stand for i.e. your truth. It’s crucial to know and really be firm in believing what you bring to the table. This is the basis of your self-worth.
2.Stop comparing yourself to others;
In other words STOP tearing you down! When you know what you bring to the table, focus on that. Stop focusing on models splashed on front pages, because they’re been edited to an inch of their lives. Trust me – I worked in the industry! Even size 8 Miss Universe contestants have been digitally sliced and diced to an inch of their lives. Media doesn’t portray what’s real. It’s manipulated to pray on your insecurities. Don’t buy into it. Appreciate who you are and what you are capable of. Everyone has that little voice in their head that tells them ‘I shouldn’t’, ‘ I can’t’ , ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘ I’ll never get this right’….etc. Learn to stop the inner critic and become your own cheerleader.
3.Discover you ‘why’;
‘Why’ is BIG news right now!! Major international companies are rewriting their policies and company statements around their ‘why’. Why? (Couldn’t help myself!) Because your ‘why’ is your driving force, this is what motivates you and is the basis of your ‘purpose’. Your ‘why’ is your passion.
Not sure where to start with these tips?
Easy ! “Be Beautiful. Be You” is a little workbook designed work book that’s been created to inspire you to start to discover your authentic self in order to embrace and bring forth your true unique inner beauty. Grab it here.
Bonus points and gold star if you came back and tell me the difference it made to you!
For more inspiration sign up to “Notes from A Beautiful Truth”, a monthly dose of love, beauty, truth and inspiration.
There’s no competition in real beauty.
Stay beautiful xx
How I Started To Own Myself and How You Can Own Yourself Too.
When I was a little girl I spent hours in my room making it mine. I rearranged ornaments on shelves, made sure all my books were in order, I’d set all my teddy bears out on display…. I loved making my bed look pretty and I loved creating little reading nooks that I could laze in the sun and indulge in my favourite book The Secret Garden. Regardless what the world threw at my 6yr old self my room was a safe haven, a sanctuary of imagination I could return to, escape to and find peace in.
After I divorced I found myself returning to this same state of mind, over that first year I threw things out that no longer reflected who I was, I bought new carpets, dining table, new plates and little glass bowls with dainty pink flowers on them. I bought new bed spreads and made my bedroom mine with candles, and Picasso prints that I loved. Suddenly I started to take real ownership of my physical environment. I repainted walls the colour I wanted them. I redecorated my children’s room. I rearranged furniture manically at midnight in sudden bursts of inspiration. I replaced every photograph in every frame. I even re-did my garden, revitalised the herb bed and turned my own backyard into my own secret garden. I bought new cushions for the day bed, I hung fairy lights everywhere and I planted all the flowers I had wanted to earlier but couldn’t due to the ex-husbands intense allergies. I finally owned my house. My escape. My sanctuary. My retreat.
That’s not all I was doing though. What I was really doing was decluttering my life, wiping the slate clean and redesigning my physical environment to reflect my true self. My house took on a new life, as did I. With each wall I painted, each new lamp I bought, each new bed spread I made up, each plant I planted I was re-creating myself and growing stronger and more freely than ever before. I didn’t just own my house. I owned myself.
Regardless what stage of life you’re at the important of “owning” your own space is imperative. You space should be a place of comfort, a retreat, a loving nest – somewhere for you to return at the end of a long day at work or a crazy hilarious night with friends.
While autumn settles in and winters on its way, no doubt we’ll all be spending more and more time indoors these next few months. So take the opportunity to start creating your own personal space now. Whether you claim a single room, the house, the garden or even your work space; Nurture it. Love it. Allow yourself to express your beauty from the inside out. Celebrate your space. Celebrate yourself. Love your space and love yourself. Own your space. Own yourself.
To find more beautiful truths, receive Notes From A Beautiful Truth, monthly directly to your inbox. Its filled with tips on personal development, authenticity and beauty, including my favourite recipes from cocktails, smoothies and naughty treats! You’ll also get some beautiful offers each month!
A friend sent me a message on my birthday this month…”Dear Self Love, where have you been all my life?!” – Which made me laugh and shout “hell yes!”. There’s nothing more empowering then getting to that point in our lives where you actually love the woman that you are. And I don’t just mean ‘love’, I mean really, really like who you are, where you embrace yourself wholeheartedly. Like you truly know your self worth.
Through A Beautiful Truth, I’ve had the privilege to work with many inspiring women, who have battled self worth and self-esteem issues. They hear the cheers of others hear telling them “you just have to love yourself” and they want to punch those people in the face. I get it. It’s not like we all don’t already know this! But when you’re out of touch with who you are in the first place, when you’ve never truly known unconditional love, when you weren’t blessed with a happy childhood and stable parenting (as one of my clients soulfully puts it ‘a childhood with unicorns who fart glitter’), when you self-sabotage because you don’t actually “believe” you deserve any better, when you’ve inherited your parents limiting beliefs, when you grew up feeling you weren’t enough, the question is HOW? How do you learn to love yourself??? How can you suddenly get a sense of self worth?
This process takes a lot of dissecting, rebuilding, of opening up old wounds and scrubbing the pus out of them. And I mean PUS! No it’s not a pretty picture; it’s a picture filled with the rawness of pain, the heartache of sadness, the stench of betrayal and the turmoil of living in fear and anger from childhood into adulthood. I get it – this takes time, commitment and dedication. This takes real guts, honesty and brutal vulnerability. And for those of us who have fought to stand on this amazing precipice of self-love and self-worth, we know all too well the battles fought along the way; eating disorders, battles with worthlessness, addiction, self-loathing, guilt, rejection, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, body image disorders, disowned, unloved, abandoned, alone…. these are the shared tales of so many women who now stand so tall, no shadow could be ever be cast upon them anymore.
But these are not the stories of the wounded, or of those to be pitied, or of the victims. These are the stories of heroines and heroes, the women with the hearts of warriors and the deeply grounded courage to stand up from within the pit of their despair and declare with every inch of their soul “This is not how my story will end!”, “Hell no! Not on my watch”, “This ends here! Today!”.
These are the stories of those women who inspire me, who shine brighter than most, who show compassion to themselves and to others, those brave enough to step forward and learn the most important lesson that no one else could teach them; that they are enough, they are full of self worth just as they are today.
And to those beautiful women, I say thank you.
If you’re ready to start your own journey in a safe and supportive environment, connect with me here to organise a free non-obligatory chat.
Otherwise feel free to download my “Beautiful You” workbook for some inspiration.
Stay beautiful xx