The Gentle Art of Letting Go

The Paradox of Letting Go and Walking Towards Yourself

There’s a quiet ache that comes when we realise we might need to let go.
Whether it’s letting go of control, of resentment, or of someone we love, it can feel like a tearing apart of who we are. For many women, letting go feels like failure — like we’re giving up on love, on hope, or on the promise of what could have been.

But what if letting go isn’t about giving up at all?
What if it’s about honouring ourselves enough to release what’s been weighing us down?

Letting go isn’t the absence of love. It’s the presence of self-respect. It’s the gentle art of choosing peace over chaos, truth over illusion, and freedom over fear. It’s not something we master overnight — it’s something we grow into, one act of self-compassion at a time.

What Letting Go Really Means in Relationships

Letting go is one of the hardest skills we’ll ever learn because it goes against everything we’ve been taught about love. We’ve been conditioned to hold on, to fight for relationships, to prove our loyalty, to keep giving even when we’re running on empty.

But letting go doesn’t always mean walking away. Sometimes, it means loosening our grip on the version of the relationship we wish we had, and accepting it for what it is. It’s releasing our need to control how the other person thinks, feels, or behaves — and instead, choosing to focus on how we show up.

It can be choosing to stay curious instead of arguing over who is wrong or right.

Letting go can also mean detaching with love.
It means caring without carrying, loving without losing yourself, and showing compassion without self-sacrifice.
It’s about stepping out of the tug-of-war between “should I stay or should I go?” and asking instead:

“Who am I becoming by staying the way things are?”

Sometimes letting go means giving up the illusion that we can save someone — and choosing instead to save ourselves. The tough truth may be that we’re so caught up in focusing on our partners faults, we become blind to our own. We lose sight of who we are, who we want to be and how to show up lovingly for ourselves.

When Letting Go Means Walking Away

There comes a moment when holding on hurts more than letting go. And yet, it’s rarely a simple decision. The question “Should I stay or should I go?” can fill us with dread. Because deep down, we know the answer might change everything.

And when we don’t know what our relationship will transition into, change is scary.

For many women, even thinking about leaving can trigger guilt, fear, and grief. We worry about breaking up families, disappointing others, or being judged. We may not want to abandon our partner, because our own childhood was scarred with abandonment and we don’t want to be the ‘bad guy’. We tell ourselves that walking away means failure — that love should conquer all.

But love, on its own, isn’t enough.

There’s a difference between someone’s feelings of love for us and their loving behaviour towards us. Someone can say they love you — and they might even mean it — but love without respect, empathy, accountability, and kindness isn’t healthy love. Disrespect, neglect, defensiveness, criticism, and cruelty aren’t acts of love, no matter how many times someone says “I love you.”

Healthy love is reflected in how we’re treated — in the safety we feel to be ourselves, in the kindness we receive even during conflict, and in the consistency between words and actions.

I think it’s important to challenge the idea of “giving up” on someone. To me, it felt like failure. I believed that if I just loved harder, tried more, gave more, things would change. But I eventually realised that I wasn’t walking away from someone — I was walking towards myself, mainly because I was no longer taking the bulk of the responsibility for the relationship’s state.

Sometimes, letting go means walking past —

• Past bad behaviour.

• Past disrespect.

• Past neglect.

• Past the need to let someone else define us or validate our worth.

Because every time we choose ourselves, we teach others how to treat us.

And yet, I also want to acknowledge something important.
For those in abusive or unsafe relationships, leaving can be as dangerous as staying. It’s not always a simple or safe option.
If this is your reality, please know you are not alone. These situations are complex especially if children are involved. If you are in this position, firstly I’m sorry because I know how hard and complex it is, and secondly, please seek confidential advice and support by calling 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) in Australia. They can help you plan and access support safely.

Letting go is deeply personal. Sometimes, it’s emotional — releasing the resentment that’s been poisoning our peace. Other times, it’s physical — leaving the space where our soul no longer feels at home.

Either way, letting go is not weakness. It’s an act of courage.

The Courage to Choose Yourself

When I think back to the times I’ve had to let go, I can still feel the ache in my chest. There’s a unique grief that comes from accepting that love isn’t enough to make a relationship healthy or sustainable.

For a long time, I resisted the idea of leaving. I thought walking away meant I was failing at love, at marriage, at family. But what I learned was that letting go wasn’t about rejection — it was about love.

I wasn’t walking away to abandon love; I was walking away to find it again — within myself, and also letting my partner have the opportunity to find someone who could love him on his terms.

That act of choosing myself didn’t come easily. It came through exhaustion, reflection, and an inner voice whispering, “There has to be more to love than this.”

And there was.

Learning to let go taught me that boundaries, self-worth, and emotional awareness are not things we develop for other people — they’re skills we build for ourselves and teach other people, including our children.

Because even if we leave a relationship without learning these things, we’ll meet them again in the next one.

This is why I work with women to own themselves first — to find their voice, to learn how to set and hold boundaries, and to understand what healthy love actually looks like. When we do this work, we give ourselves the best chance to either grow the relationship we’re in or to walk away with our heads held high, knowing we’ve done our best.

Letting go, in the end, is a form of self-leadership. It’s choosing to walk with integrity, even when the path ahead is uncertain.

Practical Ways to Practice the Art of Letting Go

Letting go isn’t something we do once and never revisit. It’s a practice — a conscious decision we make again and again, until one day we realise we feel lighter, freer, and more at peace.

Sometimes letting go means releasing a person or a situation. But often, it’s about releasing the resentment and anger that keep us tied to the pain.

1. Acknowledge and Express Your Feelings

We can’t let go of what we refuse to feel. Allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness, anger, or disappointment. These emotions aren’t wrong — they’re messengers pointing to what mattered to you. Journaling or speaking to a trusted friend or therapist can help give these emotions a safe place to land.

2. Practice Accountability and Repair

Letting go of resentment doesn’t mean pretending everything’s okay. Sometimes, healing begins when we hold others accountable — not through blame or attack, but through honest, calm expression. If the other person is willing to listen, a genuine apology and meaningful repair can dissolve old wounds in a way nothing else can.

Being seen, heard, and witnessed in our pain is one of the greatest gifts we can receive. It’s why counselling is such a powerful process — because being truly listened to is rare. Too often, people are too busy defending themselves to really hear.

3. Accept What Can’t Be Repaired

There are times, no matter how consciously or carefully we try to express ourselves, the other person simply isn’t able to hold that space. They may be at a different stage of growth, caught in their own defences, or unwilling to see what’s there.

In those moments, letting go becomes an act of acceptance. Acceptance that we cannot make someone ready. Acceptance that closure may not come from them, but from within ourselves.

4. Let Go, Again and Again

Letting go isn’t a single event; it’s a process. You might have to do it a hundred times. Each time you notice yourself revisiting the pain, gently bring yourself back to the present. Over time, the grip loosens. One day, you’ll realise the anger has softened, and what remains is peace.

5. Release Through Mindful Practice

Use mindfulness tools like Leaves on a Stream to observe your thoughts drifting by, rather than getting caught in them.
Remember, letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means freeing yourself from the hold the past has over your heart.

Leaving from Love, Not Fear

The gentle art of letting go isn’t about erasing love — it’s about transforming it.
It’s about honouring what was, accepting what is, and trusting what will be.

Letting go asks us to return to ourselves — to our truth, our strength, and our inner peace.
And whether you choose to stay and rebuild or to walk away and begin again, the most important thing is that you do it consciously.

We can leave with love in our hearts — even if it’s self-love.
We can walk away not from anger, but from a deep knowing that peace and respect are non-negotiable.
And when we make that decision from love rather than fear, we set ourselves free.

If you’re standing in that uncertain space right now, know this:
You are not broken for questioning what’s right for you.
You are wise for listening to your intuition.

And courageous for making space to explore it.
You are worthy of a love that feels safe, kind, and true — starting with the one you have with yourself.

If this blog resonated with you, you can explore my Mindfulness & Self-Care Library, where you’ll find guided practices like Leaves on a Stream and The Struggle Switch to help you quiet your mind and reconnect with your inner calm.

And if you want a safe space to unravel what ‘letting go’ means for you, you can book a free 30-minute consultation.