“Is This Relationship Still Working?” A Year-End Reflection Every Woman Needs
When You’re Lying Awake Wondering If This Relationship Is Still Working
Let’s be honest, lovely — December has a way of magnifying everything. Especially the stuff you’ve been avoiding.
And if you’ve found yourself lying awake at night thinking:
💔 “Is this relationship even working anymore?”
💔 “Is it me? Is it him? Is it us?”
💔 “How do I reflect on this year without spiralling?”
💔 “Where do we go from here?”
…then you’re not alone.
You’re not failing.
You’re not dramatic.
You’re simply reflecting and questioning the status quo - and I think that’s a healthy thing.
The end of the year always brings these questions up — the ones we’re too busy to ask, too scared to answer, and too overwhelmed to sit with. What isn’t healthy is the rumination or the spiralling.
So here’s the truth:
You cannot just hope that next year “gets better.”
“Hope alone isn’t a strategy. Hope wihtout action becomes heartbreak.”
This is your moment — right now — to pause and look honestly at the relationship in front of you.
Not with judgement.
Not with shame.
Not with blame.
With compassion, curiosity, and clarity.
What Does “Relationship Growth” Really Mean?
When we talk about “relationship growth,” most of us want dramatic change, which can lead to ideals of perfection, and let’s be honest, results in disappointment:
✨ “I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”
✨ “I should have stayed calm.”
✨ “I should have known better.”
✨ “I shouldn’t have cried / shut down / snapped.”
✨ “I should have this together by now.”
But perfection is a trap — and it’s one that women, especially us “good girls,” are trained to fall into.
Growth isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress.
It’s noticing the little shifts:
You self-regulate faster than you used to.
You repair after conflict instead of bottling it up.
Heck, you stop bottling it up and instead express your needs instead of swallowing them.
You pause before reacting (even if it’s only 10% of the time — that counts!)
You choose connection instead of defensiveness.
You let yourself be vulnerable instead of armouring up.
And yes… Sometimes growth is noticing that he is growing too.
Maybe he used to stonewall you for three days. Now maybe it’s one day. It may not be the Gottman’s ’20 minute’ preference (I don’t know anyone who can go from tantrum to tranquil that fast), but it’s still progress. It’s still growth. Messy, imperfect, beautifully human growth.
And here’s something most women don’t realise:
Your growth creates the conditions for his growth.
Your healing creates emotional permission for him to look at himself.
Your boundaries, your communication, your self-worth — all of it influences the relationship dynamic and how he will show up.
Not because you’re responsible for his behaviour.
But because your responsible for yourself, and because relationship is an emotional ecosystem… and every shift changes the whole environment.
Why Reflection Matters (Especially as a Woman, Partner & Mother)
Reflection is how we stop reliving old patterns and start integrating the lessons we’ve worked so hard to learn. For women, especially mothers, reflection is also an act of leadership. It teaches your partner and your children:
🌿 how to own mistakes without spiralling into shame
🌿 how to soften defensiveness
🌿 how to repair and reconnect
🌿 how to sit with uncomfortable truths (let’s be honest, they suck)
🌿 how to grow with compassion instead of shame
This is where vulnerability becomes our superpower.
When you reflect vulnerably, you’re not just saying, “I want to be better.”
You’re also saying:
“It’s safe for you to reflect too.
You don’t have to be perfect with me.
We can grow together.
I am a safe person for you to have a relationship with.”
Vulnerability is the antidote to perfectionism. It’s the foundation for real intimacy. And it’s the emotional compass your children quietly watch you use. By making reflection normal, you also break the stigma around:
✔ therapy
✔ self-awareness
✔ emotional literacy
✔ healthy masculinity
✔ personal responsibility
We don’t grow in isolation. We grow in relation to other. That’s why they’re called relation-ships. And we grow even more when someone reflects back to us — lovingly — how our behaviour impacts them.
Reflection can keep your relationship from being stuck as “you vs me” and instead turns it into “us vs the problem.”
The Legacy You’re Creating: Role Modelling for Your Kids
Let’s be clear; Children don’t learn from what we say. They learn from what we do, what we tolerate, what we model, how we treat others, and how we show up when things get hard. This is social learning theory in real life.
They observe:
your tone of voice
your emotional regulation
the way you and your partner repair after conflict or don’t repair
how you treat yourself
how you talk about yourself and your body
your boundaries or lack of
your generosity or lack of
your resentment
your exhaustion
your joy – which I hope there is an abundance of
They watch your relationship like a movie on repeat, absorbing scripts, roles, expectations, and relational What isn’t healthy is the rumination or the spiralling patterns and habits.
We’ve all had that moment where we hear ourselves say something our parents said — and cringe. Because latent learning runs deep.
But here’s the good news:
So does conscious role modelling.
Every small repair…
Every moment of self-care…
Every boundary you hold…
Every time you prioritise yourself…
Every time you apologise…
Every moment you show vulnerability…
…you’re shaping your children’s emotional inheritance.
They’re learning:
“This is how we love.”
“This is how we communicate.”
“This is how we grow.”
“This is how we treat ourselves.”
“This is how we treat others.”
“This is how I will expect to be treated”
And that legacy matters more than any Christmas gift, holiday, or achievement. This legacy will become the basis of your child’s self-worth and integrity for their whole life. And yes, that responsibility is heavy, which is why I take relationship counselling so seriously.
When I realised I’d been doing it all wrong.
I’ve always been fiercely mindful of what I wanted to teach my daughters about love, relationships, boundaries, and self-worth. And yet… like all mothers… I got some things wrong, and some things right.
Recently I watched one of my daughters unconsciously repeat some of my old patterns — the good girl behaviours I thought I had left behind. But I’ve also watched her do things I never knew how to do at her age:
holding boundaries with kindness
allowing her partner to disagree without abandoning herself
speaking up despite worrying it could end her relationship
staying anchored in her values
being soft and strong at the same time
She is miles ahead of where I was at 19. And that’s the point — growth is generational. It’s progressive. It takes time.
But the moment that changed everything for me was Christmas when my youngest daughter was 8. She wrote a letter to Santa, begging him not to get her any presents that year. She said she felt sad that her mum never got anything for Christmas, and she wanted hers to go to me instead. She felt sorry for me, and she wanted to sacrifice her Christmas to make me happy.
I still feel the sting of that moment. My stomach drops just writing about it.
This wasn’t about being sweet, it was about sacrificing. My beautiful, big-hearted, free-spirited, wild child was sacrificing her Christmas for me. It didn’t feel good. It felt horrible.
In my apparent ‘selflessness’ of sacrificing everything for my children, I had accidentally role modelled to my children to play the Good Girl rules. By wanting to give them everything I could, I’d sacrificed my own needs and wants. I was a single mum at the time, and I wasn’t earning very much while working part-time to be there for my kids. I’d grown up sacrificing my needs for my own mother's happiness as a child, and not only was it unhealthy, it also led to a lack of boundaries, marrying someone who expected me to sacrifice my needs for theirs and a divorce. And I never wanted my daughters to inherit any of that.
I wasn’t being a mother.
I was being a martyr.
So I changed.
I bought myself presents.
I committed to never working on my birthday.
I reminded my kids about Mother’s Day, and encouraged them to make me cards or bake something fun.
I ensured we celebrated Valentine’s Day for ‘us’, because we (including me) were all worthy of love, man or no man.
I let myself matter.
Not just for me — but because I wanted my daughters to see a woman who is not only kind and generous but a woman who is also worthy, whole, joyful, and unapologetically willing to celebrate herself.
And they have. And I hope that is who they will also become.
Practical Ways to Reflect on Your Growth This Year
Reflection isn’t about judgement — it’s about integration. Here are some gentle, powerful prompts you can answer when taking some time to reflect on yourself, with your partner and as a family:
✨ Self-Reflection Prompts
What pattern did I break this year?
Where did I show myself more compassion?
What did I learn about my needs?
What boundaries did I honour?
What boundaries did I abandon — and why?
✨ Relationship Reflection Prompts
What did we achieve this year individually and together?
How did we grow as a couple, that was different from the previous year?
What’s my/your favourite memory of us from this year?
What was our hardest moment — and how did we repair?
How could I have shown up more for you this year? (make sure he asks you this too)
How can I support you better next year? (make sure he asks you this too)
✨ Family Reflection Prompts
Ask your children:
What’s your favourite family memory from this year?
What’s something I/your Dad did that helped you feel loved?
Is there anything you wish I/your Dad did differently next year?
How can we be a stronger family team?
Let your kids give you feedback (gently and age-appropriately).
Let them see:
you listening
you learning
you adjusting
This teaches them emotional literacy — the most powerful relationship skill they will ever have. Most importantly, reflect back and validate their emotions (“That sounds like you felt hurt when I said that”), and reinforce their values (“I think you’re courageous for sharing that with me. That took guts.”).
End-of-Year Rituals to Integrate Your Growth
Reflecting in itself is great, but it can feel more powerful when we create rituals around it. These rituals can become part of your family legacy and traditions. Here are some beautiful rituals to finish the year with intention that your kids may carry on into adulthood and into their own relationships
Turn Feedback into Action
If your partner wants more quality time or connection, grab your phone and book a brunch date, a couples’ workshop, or a mystery picnic. Put it in the calendar. Make it real.
Create a Shared Wishlist for the Coming Year
Sit down over dinner or breakfast and write a list of:
things you want to do
places you want to go
habits you want to build
ways you want your relationship to feel and frame it positively eg “I would love to have more fun with you” vs “I want to feel less bored and alone”.
A Family Reflection Night
Organise your favourite snacks, candles, chilled relaxing playlist, and create those cosy vibes.
Let everyone share something meaningful. Take turns.
Write a Love Letter to Your Future Self
Tell her what you’re proud of.
Tell her what you’re calling in.
Tell her who she’s becoming.
Then stick it in the back of next year’s diary to reflect on in a years’ time.
A Letting-Go Ritual
Write down what you’re releasing from the year. Burn it, shred it, bury it — whatever feels symbolic.
You’ve Grown More Than You Know
You may not realise it just yet, but you’ve grown more than you know. But, as you step into a new year, don’t abandon yourself with the silent hope that “maybe things will magically change.”
You deserve more than wishful thinking.
You deserve clarity.
You deserve connection.
You deserve emotional safety.
You deserve a relationship that works — not one you merely endure.
But here’s something else not to forget:
Your kids are watching.
Not in a pressure-filled, guilt-inducing way — but in the most tender, powerful, human way.
They learn love from the way you love.
They learn boundaries from the way you set them.
They learn respect from the way you treat yourself.
They learn emotional responsibility from the way you and your partner repair.
They learn what’s “normal” from what they see every day — not what you tell them.
And you know this, because you’ve lived it. We all have moments where we hear ourselves say something our parents said
and think, “Oh no… I swore I’d never repeat that.”
This is your chance to rewrite that pattern — for you and for your children.
When you reflect honestly, you choose differently. You break generational cycles. And when you honour your needs instead of abandoning them, you give your children something priceless:
✨ A model of a woman who respects herself
✨ A mother who refuses to shrink
✨ A partner who shows what healthy love looks like
✨ A human who chooses courage over comfort
✨ A legacy of emotional truth rather than silent suffering
This December, you’re not just asking “Is this relationship working?”. You’re asking, “What example am I leaving behind?”
2026 doesn’t have to repeat the patterns of this year. You get to change the story now — for you, and for the little eyes watching with love.
If this blog stirred something in you — a desire to grow, to communicate differently, to feel more connected, or to show up in your relationship with more confidence and clarity — you don’t have to walk that journey alone.
If you’d love support to deepen your relationship with yourself or to transform the dynamic with your partner, reach out.
I offer individual sessions and couples sessions (face-to-face or via Zoom). Together we can untangle the patterns that keep you stuck, rebuild emotional safety, and create a relationship that feels loving, supportive, and alive again.
And if you’d like something gentle to start with, grab one of my free guides:
✨ Connective Conversations PDF
✨ Date Night Prompts
Both are beautiful tools to help you reflect, repair, and reconnect — with yourself and with the person you love.
Book a session or download a free resource — whatever feels right for where you are today. I’m here when you’re ready.
